Riding with my friend Marcus to our quaterly pastor’s meeting was an enlightening experience for two reasons. One, because Marcus drives like a bat out of hell. Second because of the conversation - conversation that was theologically driven perhaps for no other reason than to assure me that should we die in this car at that at least we went down with holy words on our lips preceeding the expletives.
We talked about how powerful the church could be and how much more healing she could be if we actually lived out the commands to confess our sins before each other. In otherwords, we both recognized the lack of honesty and transparancy in our respective churches and longed for a sanctuary – a place where everyone, new and old, would feel welcome to be real with not only God but each other. If there is any place in the world we should be able to do this (and welcomed to do this!) it should be the Church.
Instead, many of us come to church, myself included, with smiles plastered to our faces and offer the pat answers of “I’m great!” or “Just fine, thanks,” or “Blessed,” or any host of other descriptives that more than likely describe what we hope to be rather than what we presently are. I am all for giving voice to the hope that lies within us, that this too shall pass and God will reign – but I fear we will not fully arrive to the promised land tomorrow if we do not first grapple with who we are today. God has given us a great gift, a place for us to practice this out in the safety of “family” who are called to forgive others just as we have been forgiven so that, being uplifted among the saints we might be fully alive among the lost. That gift, that sanctuary, is the Church. The verse that kept coming to mind as we drove was Romans 8:1: There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Sadly, many Christians feel as though they are still condemned – if not by God than by their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
What if we do not live this out? The effects can be drastic. Broken people longing to find healing and yet not being able to be real in the one place that should be embracing of all people, even the “least of these,” hide their sin, shame, guilt and fears in a cage of religiousity and conformity. Fear of judgment keeps them silent both in and out of church and their silence becomes self-sufficiency and their self-sufficiency becomes their god. An endless cycle ensues where we become entangled by a deep desire to be freed and rescued while being seduced by the lie that no one cares and I am better off fixing it myself. Rarely do these stories turn out well. Most of us turn to something else to try and heal us, something else that we can co-opt to share our shame and guilt. To read about one such story go to my post titled CONFESSIONS, where my mom, author of Confessions of an Adulterous Christian Woman, shares her story as a pastor’s wife trapped in a world where she could not be real with the very people she ministered to and in the end turned to an affair.
As a pastor I need to be sure to foster a community of grace and forgiveness. A place where people feel safe to confess their sins and shortcoming and the demons they have long been trying to slay all alone. They need to know that it doesn’t have to be this way.
More often than not I preach from the lectionary. Returning from the meeting I opened the readings for this coming week and wouldn’t you know it, Romans 8:1-11 is up to bat. Thanks to that little chat with Marcus I already had my sermon written before even writing the first word.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you seen the effects of “caged Christians”? Have you witnessed the liberating power of being confessional? What if the Church was a haven of grace and projected this posture at all times?
grace and peace.
Filed under: Theology, sermons | Tagged: Apostle Paul, Christianity, Church, Confessions, preaching, Romans
This song is in our CD player as we setup each Sunday morning for church. I cannot put it in better words.
That is awesome, Will.
I think I will read these words to close out my message tomorrow and play the song as I make an invitation.
Thanks for sharing that.
I once had an 11-year-old boy start confessing some stuff in the safety of a group of his peers…he broke down in tears and just sat there weeping. Then he spoke a verse from James, “Confess to one another so that you may be healed…” and he started crying even more and said, “That is so true, that is so true…I am feeling healing with you guys.” –I will never forget him, his words, or that verse as it was branded in my psyche for life through that experience–
Jeromy-
That is beautiful. Can you share what it was about this group that created such an atmosphere for becoming vulnerable? And do you think that atmosphere can be transferred to the corporate church body? How might we do that?
peace.
It was during a weekend camp where they spent the week together in worship, play, scripture and community. That night stuff just bubbled to the surface while we were together after a gathering. I don’t think it can happen in a large gathering, but in a group where trust, commitment, and vulnerability exist, it can. This is why we are beginning to create such a gathering of groups; where we start with relationship and discipleship in groups of 6-12 and then gather together twice a month to worship (in the more traditional sense) and support what is taking place in the groups. What say you?
It would be great… that song Will posted is too true for most churches we’ve been in.
I heard someone say once that we often use “behavior management” to clean up the outside of people. We train them to ‘act’ the way we think they should… but the inside remains unchanged. That is really sad to think about.
I do find small groups to be much easier for that kind of transparency and vulnerability.
I had the desire to start a men’s group for some time where we could get into a trust relationship with each other, a place where we would feel safe enough to open up those dark secrets. I discussed it with a psychologist friend of mine and he got excited about it so we started and it has been running for 6 weeks now. We are still in the building of trust phase but already the guys have come with things they feel they cannot share any place else. We meet every Thursday morning from 6 to 7; have an open agenda and prayer during the last 10 minutes.
The men alone thing helps the men to talk about that stuff they would not easily share when women are in the company. I think in any group it will take time to build the kind of trust before one must attempt true transparency. For men it might take longer than for women I assume. What do you think HW?
I don’t know, Eugene. In general, that might be true. Honestly though, I’ve met more men that are able to drop the pretense than I have women.
My father met with a group of men for years at lunchtime. When I worked for my dad to cover his secretary’s vacations, I got to sit in on the group, and they were the neatest guys. They all were from different churches and backgrounds, and they sure did argue about theology a lot, but they loved each other deeply. They could share with one another and receive love and prayer, ask each other tough questions, and they had amazing friendships.
At my dad’s funeral last week, these guys were the ones that stood up and talked about their friendship with my dad, the difference that it made in their lives, and that group that they were a part of for so long. I think that relationships like that are so few and far between, and yet so vital and important.
We all should have this in our lives.
HW,
Sorry to hear about the passing of your father. It sounds like he was a very special person.
This is an interesting conversation, and I have to say that I do believe it is a very hard thing for people to go to church and be completely open and honest with people there, or to believing family members, etc… And, sadly many people have good reason to be nervous. I truly believe that there is no condemnation for those of us in Christ, but some of our fellow Christians haven’t seemed to get the memo.
Unfortunately, Christians can be really good at guilt trips and condemnation…and I’m not leaving myself out of that, it’s easy to believe and sometimes hard to practice when someone we love, for example, slips up. Interestingly enough, several years ago, in my training to be a “secular” counselor I noticed that there is more openness offered, and support given in “secular” group therapy work. I worked with teenage boys on a military base that had either dropped out of school or been kicked out. The support that developed amongst them put most churches “to shame.”
I’ve also noticed that the internet is actually quite helpful to people…Christians meet in chat rooms or message boards, and many times feel the ability to confess their “sins” a lot more readily in that kind of cyber-environment, and the confessions are usually reciprocated, with a larger group of people sharing than if it had been done face-to-face…
Grace and Peace,
Kliska
TheChristianScribbler.com
Chad, I really appreciate this post. I’ve been thinking a lot about confession lately.
A few weeks ago at our small church gathering we were actually talking about confession and someone in the group spoke up and challenged us to live out what we talk about and be the sort of group that actually confesses to one another instead of just talking about the value of it… it was an incredibly uncomfortable moment. And I think why it was uncomfortable was because though I think most of us agreed with her that it was important to act on our believes and I think most of us agreed that we wanted to be the kind of group where people could feel comfortable confessing and being real with each other, we all also felt very on the spot and afraid that we would be forced to confess – and that was uncomfortable.
But, I was thinking about it afterwards and wondering how different that night might have been if this gal had choosen to confess herself instead of imploring us all to confess? How different would it have been if she had modeled her desire by simply confessing herself? I think confession is a very powerful thing, and I think you are right there should be no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, but confession is incredibly difficult and scary too. So, maybe if we really want to be people who accept others and who allow others to feel comfortable enough to just be themselves then we need to begin not by stating the importance of confession but by just doing it ourselves – opening ourselves up to the smaller community we are part of and being real and honest before them. Just some thoughts I had… sorry it got so long – I have a hard time consolidating my thoughts sometimes
Grace and Peace to you!!
Eugene- I pray your men’s group continues to deepen! We are beginning one in our church as I type this. How exciting!
HW-
I think you and others are right – small groups are where this can really take hold, at least first. Perhaps if larger congregations all met in small groups through the week they would be more transparent during corporate worship before others and God? I like to hope so. And I echo Eugene – your dad sounds like a special man.
Kliska-
Thanks for stopping in! “Some did not get the memo.” How true!
Beth-
Thanks for stopping in! Your comments resonated with me. So many leaders in the church call for their “flock” to confess while they themselves act as if they (we) have nothing to confess. How can they follow if we do not lead? I try to be as transparent as I can when I preach. My hope is that if they can see their pastor being open and honest and that their pastor is not perfect (by any means) that they too might feel the courage to be open and honest and admit they too are not perfect. I have heard suggested by some teachers/authors to be careful how much you bleed in front of your cogregation. I think we need to bleed much – not for show but just to be honest and real.
Sorry for being so quick on the comments today. We leave for the beach this afternoon and I have to run off to church!
grace and peace to you all,
Chad
[...] Some of my worst sin has had an effect on others. I confess it to Jesus, and receive forgiveness, absolutely! But there are still people who have been hurt by my actions. Where I’m able, I can confess and repent to the people I’ve injured. And I have. But there are areas where I cannot go back and ask for forgiveness from someone… and there are people who cannot forgive. So one thing I can do is confess to another person. I know that in the Protestant/Evangelical circles, we don’t believe there needs to be a mediator between God and ourselves. True. We can go to Jesus with everything directly. But there is a scripture that talks about confessing our sins to one another (James 5:16). There is something healing in that. Chad talked about it in a post he wrote about condemnation (read it here). [...]
Thanks, Eugene and Chad. He was pretty special.
Chad,
As you have observed, I too often come to church and “put on a happy face.” For me, the practice of putting on a smile is important on Sunday mornings. Coming from a family full of pessimists, if I expressed my true feelings on Sunday morning, I’m not sure anyone would ever want to hear me preach. The truth is, my feelings are often altered by matters of little consequence (i.e. the Rooney family might lose control of the Steelers…now that just pisses me off!)
While I affirm the need for the church to practice confession, I also think there is something to be said for putting on a joyful face on Sunday mornings. It reminds us that we have a hope that is stronger than all our worries, fears, sufferings, and sins. It is a hope that we point to and that puts the rest of our lives into perspective.
Tom,
What are you talking about? I have never seen you with a happy face!
I think you offer a good balance in your post. I have found myself saying much the same thing to Amy after we get home from church and having had a big blow out just before leaving the house (gasp!). She has asked me how I can preach and act as though nothing has happened when she knows very well that underneath I am ticked off about *insert inconsequential thing here* My reply has been what you have just said – that as Christians we point to a hope that is outside ourselves and know that “this too shall pass.”
However, this does not excuse us from the exhortation to confess our sins to one another and pray for each other so that we may be healed. While a Steeler loss is something that I have often gone to church mad about that might be different than hiding our sins to the very people that can help us find reconciliation.
peace,
Chad
I’ll toast a cold one to you on the beach here!